So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
