I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
