Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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