It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
