Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
