let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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