my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
