Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
