You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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