If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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