Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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