dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
