no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
