My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
