Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
