I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
