Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
a search helicopter?!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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