Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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