Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
