can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
