Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
