maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
