Me too!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
