your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
