No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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