Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
