I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
