I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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