Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
