Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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