so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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