drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
