i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
