do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
