it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
