I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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