i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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