arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
