You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
