Need sex. Gaining weight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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