PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
