I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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