yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
