Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
