Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
