ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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