you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
