I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
as a side note pls kill me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
