I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
