I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
