i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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