so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
