I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
