i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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