the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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