Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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