Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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